blackclaw the killer

[blackclaw]

OHHELLOTHERE;;

Here's a little info about me.

The names Blackclaw. I've been on this planet for 18 years. I've been roleplaying for 7 years. That's how experienced I am.

ONE LINE OF LYRICS FROM THEME SONG

Name: Blackclaw
Age: 2 years
Gender: female
Breed: husky/akita mix
Coat: pure black
Eye color: dark yellow

SECOND LINE OF LYRICS

Personality: (75+ words) blackclaw hate being around other dogs. she is a cold and emotionless dog and she'd rather kill then be around them. she'll kill any dogs that go near her.
History: (100+ words) blackclaw lost her family to a pack of dogs when she was a pup. somehow her family found themselfs in the middle of that pack territory and that pack ruthlessly attacked them. she was the runt of her litter. so blackclaw sliped into a crack and watched her family get killed. she lives alone in the food store around the meat part. she tries to hog that part to herself.
Family: none
Likes: (at least five)

• darkness
  
• blood
  
• killing
  
• watching dogs in pain
  
• being alone
  

Dislikes: (at least five)

• other dogs
  
• bright lights
  
• guns
  
• the smell of humans
  
• dogs coming at her
  

Fears: (at least three)

• guns
  
• fire
  
• humans
  

Strengths: (at least three)

• her claws
  
• being alone
  
• her fangs
  

Weaknesses: (at least three)

• guns
  
• fire
  
• her hind legs
  

THIRD LINE OF LYRICS

RP Sample: (150+ words)blackclaw growls at (other dog) and then jumps at (the other dog) "how dare you come into my territory! get out of here now!" blackclaw nips at the other dog.

Other: she uses her claws and fangs to attack

[J/o/y!]

There's still some problems with this biography.

1) Where are the song lyrics?

2) Your personality description is way too short. Remember, 75 words minimum; yours is only
21 words.

3) Your history is way too short. Remember, 100 words minimum; yours is only 33 words.

4) Your role play (RP) sample is quite short. Remember, 150 words minimum; yours is only 11 words. Remember also, during the RP sample and the actual RPing, you need to pay attention to spelling, grammar, and punctuation. And you have to put it in third person; no "I" or "me"or "you". A revised version of your sample would be:

Blackclaw growled at the intruders, "How dare you come into my territory!"

5) Details, details! By adding detail words such as adjectives and adverbs, figurative language, and more descriptive language, you can stretch the word count while keeping it only a few sentences! Look at the more descriptive version of your sentence below:

Blackclaw growled furiously at the invading intruders, "How dare you even think about entering my territory! GET OUT!"

See? That was 18 words versus 11. It works.

6) A reminder: Tolling Through Life is a CANINE site, NOT wolf. This is an RP site for dogs.

If you need any help with the above, or if you have any questions, PM me and I'll help you.

~Joy