Post by mystical on Jun 1, 2009 15:58:13 GMT -6
Damn it. She hated these moments of silence--when she was by herself, with no one around to distract her from thinking. True, it wasn't really silent at the moment, but still... Mysticmoon felt alone and abandoned right now. There was nothing to stop her from reliving her memories, nothing to stop her from remembering what had happened. Was that her entire life? One tragedy following another? First there was Silent, then there was Stonekit dying, and finally Heatherkit was stolen one night. That foxdung tom cat. Why couldn't he just leave his daughter alone with her mom and let her be? Heck, she haden't even wanted her kits. Wasn't it enough that she had lost her children? Was she doomed to suffer more misgivings in this short life?[/blockquote]
As always, thinking about Silent made that night pop into her mind. The pretty bronze she-cat shook her head in order to try and get rid of it, but to no avail. Every detail was firmly ingrained in her memory; every second of it could be recalled. "No, no, no!' she murmered to herself, shaking her head vigoriously in order to try and get rid of the cursed image. Your first mating was suppouse to be with--well, your mate. Not a random stranger that forced you and bent you to his will. Not someone you've barely seen in an entire moon. It was suppouse to be about love, not hatred and revenge. And yet, so far in her life, Mysticmoon had never experianced what it was like to have real love. True, she didn't want to fall in love now, but still... that didn't make it any less hard for her when she was recalling the memories.
And like they always say, one thing just leads to another. Suddenly, the night when Stonekit died sprang into her mind. She could clearly see the gray kit trying to breathe after sneaking out of camp in the middle of leaf-bare; hear herself pleading the kit to stay awake and not leave from this world; then finally, his last breaths as his soul finally departed from the place it had so forcefully been pushed into. Now that she thought about it, maybe it was better, the fact that he was in StarClan now instead of here. Maybe he would've been regarded as bad luck too, just like his mother...
Finally, the last blow. That night had seemed like a normal night, with Mysticmoon resting peacefully with her two remaining kits. Suddenly, a scent that she knew all too well entered the den. She was powerless against him; Silent was much stronger than her, and in a way he had more power than she ever will. He had promised her to never tell any cat of what happened, and she had blindly obey. She should've never done that. Now there was no hope of finding Heatherkit...
Heatherkit... the bronze she-cat thought, and if cats could've cried a whole torrent of tears would've flowed down her cheek. What had happened to the only solid-coloured kit in her litter? Where was she now? What had Silent done to her? Maybe if she was more protective, more motherly, more brave than she really was, all two of her missing kits would be here with her, and they'll be a complete family instead of having only one kit who wonders who Mysticmoon's first mate was. Maybe if she had actually stood up for herself, she wouldn't be where she was today.
No, you're only making it worse, she concluded. Squeezing her mis-matched forest green and sky blue eyes together, the bronze she-cat chanted to herself. It wasn't your fault, it wasn't your fault, it wasn't your fault...
Her eyes popped open and she looked around wildly. For some reason repeating those words over and over again wasn't really helping her. In her mind, all of her clanmates were glaring at her with accusing eyes, blaming her for her two kits' disappearance. Finally, seeing that most of them weren't even looking her way, Mysticmoon relaxed somewhat. "It wasn't your fault..." she repeated to herself weakly, then took in a deep breath and stared at the ground.
It's not your fault... it was never my fault... I'm not the one to blame.
Word count: 741
This must be my longest post yet!
